My Bizarre Affair

I pushed the door to the entrance of the restaurant and automatically started to scan the dining area for my friends, completely oblivious to the hostess offering her assistance. “There they are!” I exclaimed and proceeded to the noisiest group of people in the dining area. After the usual routine salutations I signalled to the waiter to bring me a beer. Now it was time to order cutters so we perused the appetizer section of the menu and ordered from there. Being unfamiliar with this restaurant I preferred to stay within my comfort zone and ordered Buffalo wings.

The food began arriving, first came a basked of lobster wantons served with garlic chili sauce, interesting, I thought. Then came a wooden platter adorned with what looked like a huge white tablet that was oozing melted marshmallows, this in fact was brie and crackers. Preceding this was my wings, neatly presented on an oval platter accompanied by blue cheese dressings and celery sticks. At this time I was interrupted by an incoming call which I answered and had a brief conversation. As I returned my attention to the table I noticed there in the middle was something that left me stupefied for a while. What was it? What was it doing on the table? It was something you would expect to see in a cat’s litter box! Upon inquiring Bevon revealed that it was escargots in garlic butter, in plain terminology it was snails soaking in a pool of garlic butter! Was this even legal!

I sat for a while in solitude observing this appetizer, I always thought that an appetizer was supposed to open your appetite not make you feel to puke! Has Bevon lost his mind! I watched in horror as he meticulously transported each escargot from its nestling place into his mouth. The most astonishing thing was to see how crazy my friends were about these snails. Weren't they afraid of the peril that could befall them by devouring this creature? Suddenly the attention was shifted to me, Havella was offering me the last, lonesome, single escargot in the dish. Without hesitation I firmly refused. This however just led to a collective cheer for me to eat the escargot that seemed to move in the dish as if taunting me. I begged them to stop but they only cheered louder with no regards for my sanity and the other diners. Soon enough to my dismay the entire restaurant was cheering for me to consume this escargot that looked liked tainted shrimp. Was this a planned conspiracy? I began to cold sweat and went totally numb. I didn’t know if it was due to the cheers of the diners or the thought of having to quiet this persistent mob by gulping down the snail.

I had no choice. It was a losing battle so I decided to swallow the creature whole. As I drew the fork containing the escargot closer to my mouth the cheering was replaced by a dead silence. I held the fork between my teeth for a while before sliding it out. As the snail fell from the fork my tongue instantly retreated causing it to fall to the floor of my mouth. Now the final step was to swallow in one gulp and finish the process. I took a deep breath and swallowed but the snail would not go down! It just danced around in my mouth to my disgust. Spitting it out was not an option so I mustered up the courage to bite it then swallow, the end was near. Getting the snail between my teeth alone was a challenge, I eventually sandwiched it between my jaws and quickly broke the escargot into two and immediately swallowed but only half went down the hatch.

The strangest thing then happened, after biting the snail the juices travelled its way down my teeth and covered my tongue, this caused instant confusion in my mind. What was my tongue telling me? For reasons contrary to my initial expectations the taste of this snail's carcass was causing a downpour of salivary secretions in my mouth! The taste was surprisingly interesting. With the remaining half in my mouth I slowly masticated it to accurately inform my mind of what I had just experienced. Its robbery texture allowed secretions with every bite covering my pallet with a variety of flavors dominated by a distinct seafood taste. I was speechless much to the amazement of everyone and as I swallowed the final bit the applause came and this was the start of my bizarre affair.